acknowledgement

Monday 10/5/09

Today we have reached the halfway point of our 2000 mile journey. We are just south of the latitude of Astoria, Or and about a 1000 miles off shore. We traveled this far south on the recommendation of an airline pilot who crewed on the Fiona for a short stretch of the Northwest Passage off the coast of Greenland. He reported a forecast of strong southerly winds further south then our original course, so we deviated from our original waypoints. It turns out that we are moving parallel with a high pressure system(high pressure denotes calm weather and little wind) so now we have been motoring for the last day and a half. So much for the accuracy/relaibiltiy of weather forecasts, but i am having a wonderful time nevertheless. Today the glassy seas are quiet, and there is hardly a breadth of wind in the air. I am sitting on deck soaking in the quiet calm, listening to the gentle lapping as our hull cleaves the water, and pondering the many questions that have been swirling about in my mind of late. We are encompassed in a misty fog, and the fiery sphere burning through this haze casts about a blinding white light. The water shimmers a molten silver until it disappears into the obscurity of these low lying clouds, and silence pervades the static air. Out of the white wall of this impenetrable carpet materializes an albatross. He is but a silhouette in this strange light, and his enormous body dips and swoops effortlessly around the ship. He lands for an instant, so gracefully no splash can be heard, and a moment later takes off again on his lonely journey through the mists. I am filled with rapture and silent jubilation from this heart stirring visit from the sea farer symbol of good luck. We push onward through the fog. The engine purrs softly in the background, more a subtle vibration then audible sound. There is an aperture in the whisker pole situated directly over my head(stretching from the mast over the starboard rail), and the airflow from our forward progress is creating a soft humming note, one whose pitch I am contemplating. If I had to guess, based on the range of my own voice it is middle C sharp or D. Dave with his perfect pitch would know instantaneously. I have thought so much about him out here-remembering his hearty laugh and enthusiastic smile, his uninhibited nature and his eagerness for fun. I wonder where he is and in what form, and if he has retained the unique composition of spirit that made him who he was, or if in the end we all just fade back into the fabric of the universe. The great mystery of life, the origin of existence, has for the first time in my adult life invaded my consciousness and taken hold of my entire being. Up until now I have been content to recognize that there are things we can never know, and hence have never bothered myself to give it thought, but now... but now i can't train my thoughts away from matters of the spirit. The miracle of life in all its forms, the wonders surrounding me, the deep emotion and powerful sentiments within my soul, my newfound and unfamiliar connection to unknown forces of the universe have forced me to meditate on such things. I am not looking for answers, I am merely learning to acknowledge the presence of the great mystery, power, and energy that drives the life forces on our planet and beyond. I am learning that there is something far greater than myself, but a thing of which I am a part, which is continuously revealed in our surroundings, in humanity, in every creature, and in all the flecks of matter that compose this planet; a higher power, a godhead, timeless energy, the indecipherable entities that big-bang theorists propose preexisted matter, great spirit, the spirit that moves in all things-this force which in our need to label things, the human brain seeks to recognize, understand, and form connection to. And with this acknowledgement comes a reverence and appreciation to be part of this miracle of life so irrepressible that I must bow my head and bend a knee, although i know not exactly to whom or what, but nevertheless, an overwhelming consciousness of humility and gratefulness emerge from within. I am beginning to realize that it takes as much faith to believe in random chance as it does to believe in creation. How can this all be a random occurrence, yet at the same time, how can one internally process the undeniable evidence of evolution throughout the ages? I try to imagine the different stages of life, the protazoic life-forms steadily changing, growing, transforming, emerging out of the slime and muck of the bubbling goo in a world already millions of years old. It is impossible for me to span the gap from these first single cells to the millions of integrated cells constantly executing the countless chemical processes of my body. This in between, this shroud of mystery that the atheist tries so desperately to trace and the creationist tries so desperately to invalidate, is an impossible thing to comprehend. Time is such a human concept, as is the idea of some gigantic creator amusing itself like some child with play-dough, but what i am beginning to worship is the creativity of the nuances, of the processes that, nevermind the 'how', did happen and occur daily in front of our very eyes. It is miraculous and fantastical, indecipherable and arcane, but it is there-we are here. Some say it is the code of DNA that is eternal life. There is a bit of truth to this I think-what remains of us is what we pass down-what we are, our very composition, is directly descendent from our stone-wielding ancestors who, long-armed and stooped, shuffled their ways across the continents. What is difficult for me to grasp is that this view of eternal life still must have had a beginning somewhere in the saga of existance-regardless if they were codes that were writ in the primordial mire or if they were swirled out of dust by the breath of some great being. I spend hours with my mind wrapped around such thoughts, but in the end, I draw in a deep breath, and thank that unknown force, be it chance or providence, that I am here and am given the capability to be aware of the wonders that surround me. For the first time i am truly beginning to understand depth and meaning of the phrase we all have heard so often: Life is a gift.